Love and Disobedience in Parenting

I'm sitting here on a beautiful Saturday morning. My house is empty...Ryan is at a conference and my children are in the loving care of grandparents...bliss. I should probably be taking a shower but I felt compelled to pull out my computer and write.

I recently started a new Bible study, Seemless by Angie Smith. By recently, I will share that my study technically started 12 days ago and I began actually doing the study yesterday. Why is it so hard to jump into something that you know you will enjoy? Anyway, the beginning of it is going through Genesis, the stories of creation and Adam and Eva and the generations that follow...all stuff I've read and studied before but this morning it was SO GOOD.

Backstory: life with a four year old has been rough. I love my daughter. She is kind, compassionate, generous beyond expectation, funny, smart, and incredibly passionate in all that she does. She is also a sinner, just like me. Our days have been hard and ridden with disobedience and consequences. Imagine whatever a four year old might do to disobey and I'm sure it has happened. At the heart of it is her desire for control. Umm, probably the same struggle that her mother has...I'll move on. Just know that if you are having parenting issues with a small child, you are not alone.

This morning I read the following passage from Genesis 6:5-8. Do not skip over this passage. It matters.

The Lord saw the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And the Lord regretted that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart. So the Lord said, "I will blot out man whom I have created from the face of the land, man and animals and creeping things and birds of the heavens, for I am sorry that I have made them. But Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord.

I could have easily skimmed through this and been like, "Yeah, blah blah blah, people were bad. Noah was good. Next passage." But God in his goodness had me fully read it and it hit my heart.

God knows what is is like to have disobedient children who have hears far from what He planned, designed, and created them for. My heavenly Father feels the pains of parenting. Wow. All those days...years...that I have cried out and asked for help during way too short breaks in the days...and He has been like, "Yep. I get you. I've been there. Look at all these people I've created who don't want to love and obey me." My intentions for Eva are always so wonderful. Learn fun things, play, laugh, enjoy life together, go places. If she could see my heart and the depth of my love for her and how I always am thinking of ways to bless her, surely she would trust and obey me. Even after days when I have been so frustrated with her, I find myself planning lessons for her in the evenings, or looking up which kind of new cup she might enjoy me ordering from Amazon, or figuring out ways to afford taking her to the zoo. And even when I fall short of how God created me, He is always working things for my eternal benefit.

God is my father.
God created me. God created Eva.
I'm a sinner. Eva is a sinner.
God loves me unconditionally. God loves Eva unconditionally. I love Eva unconditionally.
God knows how to parent and discipline us when we disobey. God's heart knows that frustration and how to respond to us in love.
Lord share this wisdom with me!
Be slow to anger and quick to forgive.
God can relate to all of my parenting struggles.
PRAISE God!!!

Pursing Passions

A few months ago I was meeting with my counselor and she was talking to me about figuring out what I'm passionate about. At first I was just like, "Umm, I mean, I guess I'm a mom so I'm passionate about mothering?" I wasn't sure how to respond. It's like when someone (usually not a fellow Stay at Home Mom) asks me what my hobbies are. I go blank. Does washing massive amounts of dishes count as a hobby? Surely not. Ugh. It can make you feel lame.

So I've been praying for God to show me more about what I am passionate about. What stirs my heart? What are areas where, even if I'm not the greatest, I find joy in sharing and talking about with others? In some crazy way, I feel like this "list" that I've come up with actually captures so much of me. Putting it in a list seems a bit silly, because it's not like you just have separate, ranked areas of your heart. But for blogging purposes, this is what I've got.

1. Family. I am intensely focused on the idea behind raising a family that spends time together and loves each other. Yes we fight and drive each other crazy. But one of my desires is to create such a strong bond between Ryan and I and our children. This also extends to our other family. I want my children to grow up really knowing their grandparents. Lucky for us, we have some awesome parents who love our kids like nobody else.

2. Jesus. Okay, before you write this one off as a typical pastor's wife answer, let me share more. I am passionate about a Savior who offers redemption. I am in love with God sending this hope into my dark days. I want my children to know him. I want my friends to know him. I want to encourage my friends that do know him by reminding them to keep seeking him even on the hard days. I want to share Jesus with more and more people. Nothing can change generations of a family more than a heart in love with Jesus.

3. Learning. I almost wrote this one out as home school. Some days I love doing school with Eva, some days I'm kinda ready for her to go somewhere. I don't know. But I am passionate that she gets the opportunity to learn. I enjoy creating lessons. My heart goes pitter patter as I find lessons on Pinterst and print them out and cut things and put little pieces in ziplock bags all in the name of learning.  I enjoy teaching. Usually. Watching her put letter sounds together to figure out words last week was AMAZING.

4. Health. I am super interested in the inter-connectivity of the body. I don't understand the science behind everything, but I am a believer in holistic health. Along with this, I am passionate about nutrition. I've been gluten free for over 3 months now. I almost caved when I saw the latest Olive Garden commercial, but my passion for putting the best in my body to be the healthiest I can be for me family won out. I want to raise kids who are knowledgeable about the foods that fuel their body and not fill them with junk because it's easier. I kinda wish I could go buy a farm and grow all my own fruits and vegetables. Maybe one day. I also think the evolution of food is both fascinating and terrifying. There is so much fake food going into our bodies...ok, stepping off my soap box for now.

5. Finances. Our small group has been going through a Dave Ramsey curriculum and I am passionate about learning to be wise with money. Ryan and I did a similar study early on in our marriage and some of the baby steps we took early on have allowed me to stay home, even though we live off a comparatively small salary (as in compared to the area we live in, not compared to the global economy). I feel empowered when I find ways to stretch dollars and save. I would love to do financial counseling for younger couples or college students...not how to get rich but how to live wisely off what you have.

6. Mom Life. I love the movement for moms to connect to other moms. Mom friendships look different than other relationships. You find yourself chasing children in the middle of conversation, or chatting to your friend on the phone while realizing your are both nursing babies at the same time. I love opportunities to be transparent and share real life with other moms. Almost three years ago I read THIS BLOG POST by another blogging mama where she shared her real, difficult, experience of deciding to take medication to help with post partum anxiety. Even though her story was slightly different from mine, her writing still echoed in my mind when I was deciding whether or not I wanted to try antidepressants after having Jensen. Her open, honest writing helped me make an important decision years later that greatly benefited me and my children. How awesome is that? Which brings me to my last passion...

7. Sharing my voice. Whether through writing or speaking, I feel really called to use my life and my stories to encourage others and to testify of Jesus. Right now that means blogging and sharing when I'm with other moms. In the future...who knows? Sometimes it is a bit scary, but it is also freeing.

These days I am doing everything I can to shift all my focus into these areas. I want to live purposefully for God, and that comes through living out the passions He has laid on my heart.

A quarter earned is a quarter saved.

Recently Ryan and I started leading our small group through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University course. If you have never read or watched anything by Dave Ramsey I would highly recommend it. We did a study about 6 years ago so we already know and practice many of the foundational principals. One of the best things we did for ourselves was establish a written out, categorized budget about 3 years ago. I know, it doesn't sound fun, but it is! Living off an established budget is so much more fun that worrying about money or just hoping that you "spend less". As Dave says, you get the power to tell your money where you want it to go instead of just wondering what happened to it at the end of the month.

Anyway, as parents we want to install financial wisdom into our children. Eva earns a quarter for every day that she plays quietly during her rest time. Yes, we pay our kid to be quiet for an hour and a half each day. You might disagree with that, I don't care. Nap time used to be such a huge source of stress and tension and now it is not. Completely worth it. And with her ability to earn money comes the opportunity to teach her about saving and spending what she earns.

So last week she had saved up a few dollars worth of quarters and wanted to get a new Chelsea doll from Walmart. We were thinking that they cost $5 but it turns out they cost $6.97. Sadly we discovered this when Eva was already on the Barbie aisle with hopes and dreams to bring home her new doll that day. She actually had almost $6 (due to collecting a few random pennies and nickles here and there) so I knew it would be the easy parenting thing to just help her cover the rest. But I didn't. We really wanted this to be about her learning to use her own money to buy something extra for herself. We talked about how she didn't quite have enough and showed her a few things that she could afford to buy, or we gave her the option to come back as soon as she saved up enough money. She spent at least 20 minutes examining everything and saying, "Hmmmm....let me think...." It was pretty cute. In the end she decided to save her money for a bit longer so she could get what she really wanted. I was so proud of her! I wasn't going to force her to do that but I was glad that she really cared about where her money was going!

At home we calculated exactly how much she would need to save. She earned a few more rest time quarters and then did some extra chores around the house on Saturday so she could go get her doll that day. Her normal chores are putting {most of} her laundry away, unloading the silverware from the dishwasher, making her bed, and helping pick up toys. She earned money by pulling weeds and helping to wash both of the cars. I love that she chose to work to earn more.

I finally took her on a date to Walmart to pick out which doll she wanted. She lined up every single Chelsea doll and examined each of them. She finally picked one with beautiful butterfly wings. She gave the lady at the cash register her money. The only sad part was when she had to give away a dollar bill that she had saved in her piggy bank. I guess somehow she didn't realize that was part of the money she needed. After much deliberation she decided she was okay with that.

Since she actually has two piggy banks at home I am hoping now to teach her to have one to save for herself and one to put money in to give, either to the church or to help somebody. We have done Bible lessons and talked a lot about being generous to help others so I feel like she would be ready for this. It is so awesome to get to teach your children about things that matter so much!

Princess on the Throne {A tale of potty training success}

 2 weeks ago Eva had spent the night with Ryan's parents. While she was there her cousin, Mallory, came over to play. Mallory is about 4 months older than Eva and is potty trained. Eva came home and later that night told me, "Go potty." And then she did. That was it. She was potty trained.

Now, I take absolutely zero credit for this success. I tried with all my heart and determination to do the whole "Potty Train in 3 Days" thing back in August (like  7 months ago). It never really caught on and eventually I gave up and decided to try again later. You really can't "make" a child use the potty in a positive way before they decide they want to. My plan was to attempt potty training in the spring so that we wouldn't be dealing with so many layers of clothing.

Yep, I give all the credit to Mallory. I think seeing her use the potty so easily made Eva realize that she could do it too. I guess it's true that kids will do things at their own pace when they are ready. Eva is definitely not 100% potty trained, but I think she is doing really well. She is motivated and asks to go all the time. At home she mostly uses a little potty because it is so much easier for her to use, but when we are out and about she will use the big potty too (with some help - otherwise she might fall in!) We've even had a few days with no accidents which is so awesome! Most days aren't quite like that but I am so proud that she is moving in that direction. Plus we will be saving some $$$ on diapers...which we plan to put directly towards our increased cost of toilet paper :)

For goodness sake, just go to sleep.

Anyone who knew Eva when she was a baby, knew that that girl LOVED her binky. After  maybe 6 months she did a pretty good job of only using it at bedtime and oh boy, was it a perfect sleep cue for her. Hand her that pacifier, she was happy and ready for bed. Worked like a charm. 2 years later though, we felt like it was time for her to give up her pacifier. You can read about how we did that here. This post is about the past few months since she gave up her pacifier and how life is now that we are past that mountain.

At the point of giving up her binky, Eva was a little over two years old, had transitioned to sleeping in a regular full size bed, and had entered into the "independent" stage of being a two year old. Wow. That was a lot going on all during one season of life. Let me share the truth about all of this. It was rough. Like really, for me it was one of the toughest season's of being a mom. Every single nap time was met with huge fits, decisions about disciplining, and rarely any sleep. Night time sleep was usually decent, although she did get in a habit of wanting us to lie down with her (which I didn't mind until it got longer and she didn't want us to leave) and she would wake up more often in the night. I read tons of information about toddler sleep habits so that I could keep a frame of reference for what was normal. I read lots of things searching for advice but unfortunately most of what I read was just other moms agreeing that "no nap" stage for two year olds is really hard. Every single nap time felt like this discouraging battle of trying to keep Eva in bed, constantly monitoring what she was climbing on top of in her room, and praying desperately that she would just give up and go to sleep. Regardless of consequences or intervening, each day was hard. And on top of that a toddler that doesn't sleep well gets soooo grumpy and emotional in the afternoon, so basically our home was an emotional meltdown waiting to happen between 1-8PM each day. For about 2 months straight. That's a long time out of each day to feel like you're struggling. Over Christmas Ryan and Eva's grandparents were able to help a bit and could actually help her nap some of the time which was the greatest gift ever. I was so worried though that after Ryan went back to work everything would be terrible again.

I know you might be thinking, "It's just a nap. Let it go." Yeah I agree that sounds good in theory, but seeing the affect that not napping was having on my child made it so clear that she really did need a nap, or at least a peaceful rest time, in her day. Also as sweet as I think it would be to co-sleep and snuggle up with her for a good nap, co-sleeping has NEVER worked well for us, even when Eva was much younger. She likes the "co" part but not the "sleep" part and the whole experience results in very little sleep for anybody. So here is what we did that finally worked for us:
1. We took any nonessential furniture out of her room. She has her bed, nightstand, and dresser. That's it. This wasn't done as a punishment but as a way to decrease her desire to climb and jump on furniture. I also took lots of stuff out of her dresser and stored it in the closet so that there is less for her to make a giant mess with. This helped me know that she would be safer and that I didn't have to worry as much about what she was doing.
2. We started calling it her "rest time". I don't know why but she seemed to accept this was more than calling it nap time, like I wasn't actually forcing her to sleep.
3. I let her pick where she wants to rest. She has to be in her room, but she doesn't have to be in bed. The truth is that making her stay on her bed was creating a big power struggle that I didn't feel like needed to be there. If she wants to feel in control by resting on the floor with a pillow and blanket, that's fine. It's a win for me as long as she is resting.
4. I turn on soft music and let her dance around her room for a bit without intervening. This seems counterproductive but actually lets her wind down and have some time to just be by herself. Also I'm totally okay with her getting out books and reading. She generally lies down all on her own now.

A HAPPY, WELL RESTED girl now! 

Most days now we read a few books, she plays and talks to herself for about 30 minutes, and then she will fall asleep for about an hour. If not, at least she has gotten some time to rest and I've gotten a much needed break to recharge. This has helped our family sooooo much! I'm not saying all of this will work for everybody, but I really wanted to share because I didn't find a lot of answers or positive ideas out there when I was in the middle of this huge struggle. I'm glad we didn't just give up her nap time but were persistent in finding a system that worked for us.She doesn't sleep every day, but we aren't battling it out either. And do I regret that little pacifier that led to all this? I don't think so. I feel like we would have gone through this transition about some point and it was just the last catalyst not the eternal enemy. 

My final advice to other mamas going through this same dilemma.... know that it won't last forever! Find what works for you. Find another mom who can give you positive, encouraging advice. Try to stay calm on the hard days. And as always, drink coffee and pray to Jesus :)

30 Years

As it got close to Eva's first birthday I started to realize something. I felt like her birthday was important not only because she was turning one, but also because we had been together for a whole year! On her second birthday I felt the same way, like part of the celebration was for us being our own little family for two whole years.

So today on my own 30th birthday, I want to honor my wonderful mom who has lived life with me for 30 whole years as of today. I love my mom more than words could describe. She is one of my best friends and truly one of the most generous, loving people I know. She is always there to talk to or help me with anything. I may get suspicious that she loves Eva more than me (just kidding....) but I do love the way that she loves and supports me entire family.

Last week I sent her a few questions about our 30 years together. She was safely warned that I'd probably post them on my blog. Her are her responses.

1. What is one of your memories from the day I was born?
You weren’t supposed to be here for a month. I didn’t think I was in labor, until the doctor told me. Plus, you were born on the day of my baby shower. They had the shower without me and my girlfriend, who was also expecting, opened the presents. Then everyone came to the hospital, because I had you at 2:45 in the afternoon. I remember holding you and kissing your sweet little fingers and toes.

2. What is one thing about me that has changed over the past 30 years?
I see that you have become filled with a wondrous grace. You are such a good example for me to learn from.

3. What is one thing about me that has stayed the same?
I think you are still our “Cautious Kate” in many ways.

4. What is one unexpected change in our world/culture that you've seen or lived through the past 30 years?
Computers! I’m still amazed at how they have changed our world/culture. When you were born, they were these clunky, slow boxes, an incredible tool in the early eighties, and now they are so small and fast and can be used to do countless things. I often think about how they will morph into something completely different when Eva is grown.

5. In what ways am I most like you?
I think I am a very nurturing person. I see that same quality in you when I watch you with Eva and Ryan, and hear about how you are with your friends

6. In what ways am I most like Dad?
Well, you are very disciplined about exercise, and you might be a bit picky about food. Plus, you are good about how you handle finances, thrifty and careful. You also have both cheated at Monopoly. <That's totally true. I dare you to play a game of monopoly with me and my Dad.>

7. What was your life like the year you were 30?
As you know, 29 was an amazing year for me. When I was thirty, I had just started working as a massage therapist, which I really enjoyed. I also did some catering, I really liked that. I think I was rfinally becoming comfortable with who I was, as a woman, and what that meant.

8. What do you wish you knew at 30 or could tell your 30 year old self?
Try more new things. Also, keep challenging your mind with unknown experiences and ideas. I wish I had developed more discipline about taking care of myself.

9. What advice would you give me at 30?
Same as above, Plus, enjoy the small moments. Sing and dance with your child every day and tell your family you love them as often as possible.

10. What is your favorite memory of being my mom for 30 years?
There are so many to choose from. I love remembering when we both had strep throat and we watched Ann of Green Gables all day on a pallet in the den. I also remember the day you married Ryan as a wonderful day of possibilities. I felt like you were launched and really ready for your new life. I was so proud of you. But, I cant ever forget the day you became Eva’s Mama. So sweet!

Love you, Mom! Here is to our next 30 years!

"That will be another box of diapers, please."

 At the beginning of August we made the decision to start potty training Eva. I had read lots of information about readiness signs and felt like she was basically asking me to teach her to use the potty. So we made our plan. I read the Potty Training in One Day book and didn't really agree with that philosophy (no offense if it worked for you). I liked the Potty Training in Three Days method that is popularly floating around Pinterest much better. Wow, what a difference those 2 days must make in how to potty train! I also made up a fun potty training bag to take with us on the go!

I made a plan that for a few days we would stay at home and mostly hang out on the tile in the living room. We set the little potty next to the couch. I used to think that seemed crazy, but trust me, it was totally practical. I let her drink more juice and watch more movies and have more time on my phone or the iPad than I normally would. All of this led to a few days of what I thought was a successful step in the right direction. Not that I would have said she was trained, but definitely learning.

Then....she started to regress...more and more accidents....less successes.....and way less desire to even sit on the potty. Granted, this regression happened when I recognized that after a few days we had to get back to normal. She could only have juice as a treat. Same with movies and the iPad. I just wasn't comfortable living life in a "potty training bubble" for weeks on end. I even moved the potty back to the bathroom because after only a couple of days she had associated sitting on the potty with getting to watch a movie.

All this to say, we bought a full box of diapers at Costco on Saturday. We gave it a good try for a month. I'm honestly not stressed about this because I feel like it's what we need to do right now. Yes, I really wish we could not spend more money on diapers, but that's part of having a baby. I figure we will wait a couple of months and then try again. Or maybe she will surprise me and decide to train herself? We still have the potties out in the bathrooms so that she can sit if she wants but I don't plan on asking her unless she initiates it, which she actually has a couple of times since going back to diapers. We will still watch Elmo's Potty Time, the best DVD for any toddler who loves Elmo (and parents who enjoy a good potty related joke). We will still read her potty training picture books, because they are truly her favorite books right now.

I know she is still really young and has plenty of time. Hopefully this story of our experience will encourage other mama's out there who are in the potty training trenches with me!

Back to School

 Painting different colored circles...remember when "school" was this fun?!

Happy Back to School week to all my teacher friends! I've been praying for all of you this past few weeks! Praying that you are given great wisdom and patience and a class full of kids that will bring you laughter (and maybe some happy tears!). I know some amazing teachers and I believe God can do great things in their classrooms!!!!

Happy Back to School to all the students I know! Summer 2014 is right around the corner. Work hard. Be a friend to others, especially the kids that look like they need a friend. Enjoy getting to wear your new school clothes. And always make good choices :)

As each new school year begins I am reminded of two things. One, I miss being there on that first day and week. There is so much excitement. Kids are fresh and looking to you to be their new leader. School supplies are new - no broken crayons or bended folders yet. I really do miss that first day. Then I'm reminded that I love my job now so much. I am so grateful to be at home with Eva. And every year on that first day, when I know so many other kids are going to school, I'm a little sad to think about that I only have a few more years left with her at home. Eva won't start kindergarten until she's almost six, so I still have four years with her at home. But I know those four years will pass by too quickly.

A few people have asked me if I will put her in preschool. I honestly don't think so. Maybe the year before kindergarten, but we will see. Part of my degree is in early childhood education so I feel like I'm pretty qualified to work with her on skills at home and she gets plenty of other social time. I'm also super pumped because I am going to start using the FREE Letter of the Week curriculum to be intentional about doing preschool activities with her a few days a week this year. I also found this Hands on Homeschooling curriculum that I really liked but it costs money so I thought we'd stick to the free one this year, and maybe order this in a year or two. Mostly two year olds learn through play and experiences so that's what a huge part of her day needs to be. She already loves to spend lots of time reading with me and can already "help" me read repetitive texts by chiming in. She also just started counting up to 10! The rest of our "school" time this year I want to plan intentional activities that introduce numbers and shapes and some early writing concepts (things like tracing lines).  I've started printing off some stuff to use and reserving library books for different themes. I'm turning one small part of the playroom into a bulletin board to use for "school." The teacher in me is so excited!

Piles of Dirt {Throwback Thursday}

Look at that chubby little baby! She wasn't even a whole year old yet! I remember that afternoon in the park with my family like it was yesterday, and yet it's been almost a whole year!

Lately some of our days have seemed long. In the midst of potty training, I am doing laundry and disinfecting all the time. As our big girl has decided to eat at the table more, instead of her high chair, I feel like there is a non stop accumulation of crumbs and gunk on my floors and table. Their are giant piles of dishes in the kitchen that are a result of her ever increasing appetite. And the toys? Let's just say they don't magically find their way back to their spot.

Sometimes it feels like I can't keep up! Yet in the middle of the long days I want to have consistent joy, knowing that the years pass by too quickly. What's a little mess in the spectrum of getting to love your growing child? With school starting soon for so many I keep thinking that she only has 4 years left at home with me, and then will be gone to college before I can blink! So for now, I think I'll prefer the messiness of toddlerhood. It's well worth it.

A whole 'nother language.

When your precious child is born the only thing their most basic way to verbally communicate with you is to cry. You have to learn to figure out what each type of cry means. Next they are able to say a few simple words like "hi" and "bye" that mostly match what they mean with the exception of when they say "mama" and mean daddy, or really anybody close to them. Then they become toddlers. Their sweet little minds are exploding with knowledge and building up a new vocabulary every day. Not only do they understand more of what you say, they are trying to tell you more too. It's a pretty awesome phenomenon to experience.

I seriously could not try to list all of the words Eva has learned over the past year if I tried. Somewhere between turning one and becoming almost two, her vocabulary has increased by a billion percent. Now here is the catch -  toddlers speak so many words, but to most people it's practically a whole different language. Fortunately I am not most people. I am a mom. I can totally understand what she is telling me, at least for the most part. I guess I will be her interpreter for now! Here is my best attempt to remember some of the funny ways that she pronounces words right now.

Spoon - "poon"

Socks - "ocks"

Rock (as in hold me and rock in a chair) -"ock" 

Sandwich - "bite" (because her dad has always said, "Do you want a bite?" when he eats a sandwich)

When she wants to be picked up and carried she says, "Carry you?" (because we say, "Do you want me to carry you?" 

Cup -  "bup"

Binky - "bebe" (for her pacifier, which sounds completely different to me than when she says "baby" for her favorite doll). 

Shoes - "ewws"

Yogurt - "ogre"

Movie - "meemee"

Cheese - "eeese"

Read - "ing"

Bread - "bed"

Cookie - "keykey"

Animals - "mamall"

Elmo - "melmo"

Dora - "dowda"

Gorilla - "kaka"

Eva - "Eeya"

I'm sure none of these come across as cute as they really are and my memory of how she prounuces these words will fade in time....so I'm also including a video clip :)

 

Bye, bye!

Earlier this week I have written two posts about the great anniversary vacation I got to take with my husband. There was a very special person who didn't get to go along - my baby Eva! Oh my goodness. It was SO HARD to leave her for that many days. When the possibility of planning a child free vacation I knew it would be good for our marriage and good for me. But oh man, was it hard that last week to plan to be away from her. I had never left her for more than a night, meaning I've also seen her every day of her sweet life. We are mostly together all day, everyday and I wouldn't choose for it to be any other way. As our trip got closer I kept trying to talk Ryan into changing our reservation for only two nights instead of three. Of course he didn't. The morning we were leaving I cried and felt so guilty even though I knew it would be a good thing for all of us. We dropped her off and said goodbye. 

And then it was really all okay. I became a spontaneous, carefree person. I had time to concentrate on my husband more. I enjoyed a break from being constantly responsible for another tiny person. Yes, I missed her. But it was more like, "Oh I love Eva. I hope she's having as much fun with her grandparents as I am having here with Ryan." It wasn't as hard or sad as I thought. We face timed her on my phone the two middle days. I was glad to see her on the phone even though it made it kinda sad when we said goodbye. Then on the last day as we were having lunch it suddenly hit me how ready I was to get home and see her.  That last 30 minutes of our car ride home I was just itching to give her tons of hugs and kisses.

I share all this to encourage other mamas out there to one day take an extended trip away from your child. Even though it was hard, it was so good. It was refreshing. It made me appreciate my husband and my roles as a wife and mother more. I am so thankful to spend my days with her, but a small break every year or so is nice.

Toddler Bed

Last Thursday Eva decided to make the leap from baby crib to toddler bed. Literally. During nap time she refused to sleep and apparently spent her time alone learning to to climb out of the crib. Yikes! So I did what any good mama would do....I asked all my facebook mom friends what I should do. The consensus was pretty clear - move her to a big girl bed.  I was super nervous. My little girl is so full of energy that I was worried that she might never stay in a regular bed. But I knew it was time to give it a try. We considered putting her in the full size bed we have but she wasn't tall enough to climb up onto it. I knew she could climb out but I wanted her to be able to get back in! Luckily her crib converted to a toddler bed and that option has worked great for us so far! I've waited almost a full week to post anything because I didn't want to jinx us....and knowing toddlers I realize that anything can change at any moment....so please know that I'm posting this update with humble hopefulness for continued nights of good sleep :)

How seriously adorable is this tiny daybed? We had to take her crib skirt off a year ago when we lowered the mattress to the lowest level but now without the front piece there we can use it again! This bed skirt was one of my favorite parts of the baby bedding we chose for her. You can't see it that great in the picture but it has ruffly inserts that match her polka dotted sheet. A friend gave us separately the blanket with Eva's monogram and it matches everything so well and is the perfect size blanket for a toddler bed.  Who wouldn't want to sleep in such a cute bed?

 

Eva is doing so great sleeping in her new bed. The first night we talked to her about how proud we were that she was a big girl now and how it was important to stay in bed so she wouldn't be tired in the morning. She got up once that first night, walked to her door, and then climbed right back in bed. {Sidenote: I know lots of people leave the door open for their child. We have always kept it shut so we continued that since she is used to it. We figured it would bother her more if we left it open. Plus we have stairs and didn't want her wondering down stairs in the night if she did wake up.} The first morning she woke up a bit early so I went in and told her to try to keep sleeping and she did. I've heard other moms say that sometimes kids actually sleep better in a regular bed and that's kind of been true. Even on the night that Ryan put her to bed because I was out she did fine and slept through the night. A couple of times at naptime she has popped up but she generally goes right back to her bed. She knows we can see her on the video monitor and the one time she started opening her dresser drawer I walked right in and put her back on the bed so she hasn't tried playing around very much. 

Speaking of the video monitor - I love this thing! I love watching her play with her baby doll. I love seeing her snuggle up on her pillow. I love her sleepy stillness. It has also been helpful to see her fall out of bed. I didn't realize before that she loves to sleep completely on top of her pillow, as in her whole body lying across it. Instead of a bed rail we just put 2 pillows on the floor so when she does slide out it doens't hurt and she always just climbs right back up and goes back to sleep. Also now she is so quiet when she does wake up that she will seriously just go stand by her bedroom door and not make a sound. I've told her that when she wakes up she can knock on her door and call for me. She always had a loud "mommy....Mommy...MOMMY!" wake up call before in her crib so I'm not sure why she is so quiet now.  She is pretty consistent on her wake up times in the morning and after her nap so I know when to be looking for her on the monitor and I'm guessing she would call for me if she got tired of waiting.

From the wisdom of others we did decide to wait on getting rid of her binkie. I am so proud of her for adjusting to her toddler bed and if she had been distraught over loosing her binkie I wouldn't have known if it was the bed or the pacifier she was crying about. I know the day will come for saying goodbye to her beloved binkie but today is not the day yet. Oh my goodness, I love my little girl so much. Her sweet sleepy face, her warm snuggles....she is my favorite. Thank you to our friends and family that said prayers for this transition. Sleep is truly a blessing!

Weekend Update in iPhone Pics {5.5.13}

We had a pretty good weekend so I thought I'd post another weekend update in iPhone pics. Our Friday started like most Fridays do around here  - with a trip to Costco! I split my grocery shopping between Walmart and Costco now so I usually do Walmart with Eva on Mondays and then Costco as a family on Friday. It was a chilly day for May so I put Eva in a long sleeved tshirt with a grey cable knit sweater.  She was super happy to ride in the cart after we checked out. 

Friday night we met up with some church friends for dinner at Central Market. The one in Southlake has a playground so it was nice to sit with our friends while the girls all played. I love these sweet girls so much! They are good friends to Eva. Eva did fall down and get some big bumps and bruises, but hey, that's part of being a kid!  I did have to bring out my "please-don't-mess-with-my-kid" side when one kid on the playground that we didn't know kept trying to drag Eva around and she didn't like it. Eva is super friendly and I know kids like to "help" each other and pick each other up but this kid wouldn't quit and I could tell repeatedly that Eva didn't like it. But she does love her little friends :) They were great with her!

Saturday we met up with Ryan's mom and dropped Eva off to go spend the night. Confession - every time I know we are dropping Eva off to spend the night away from us it makes me so sad. I usually cry a little bit when I'm packing up her stuff. I just love being her mama sooooo much and I cherish all the time I get with her. I always know that she will be well taken care of, but it's hard to leave your little kid. She never minds. She is always so happy to see her grandparents. I give her tons of hugs and kisses before we say goodbye. And then in the hours that follow I go through the transition of becoming a fun person. A person who doesn't have to clean up highchair trays or change diapers. A person who doesn't have the constant responsibility of caring for another tiny human. I realize, hmm, maybe it is kind of nice to have a small break. It is good to have time on a date with Ryan. It's refreshing to have the extra time to do whatever I want to do. I become spontaneous and carefree. Not saying that I would trade being a mama for anything, but it is good to get a break once in a while.

Anyway....we went and had a nice lunch date then did some birthday present shopping since all of our nieces have birthdays in May. I always want to be the fun aunt and get the girls each something they will really like. Saturday night we went to the Byron Nelson HS Talent Show, because where else would we go on our night without our baby? But seriously, this talent show was awesome. They had singers and dancers and we really, really enjoyed it.  Beforehand there was a spaghetti dinner so we got to hang out Kim and Emily, our pastor's wife and daughter and afterwards we won this super cute rocking horse for Eva!!!! Okay, Ryan says that it isn't really "winning" if you have to pay for it, but we did "win" our bid for it in the silent auction. I am so guarded against spoiling our child who already has waaaayyyyy too many toys, so I really contemplated saving this for her birthday, but I also wanted her to get as much play time out of it as possible since one day she will outgrown it. So we gave it to her on Sunday and she really liked it! Plus it's one of those toys that I can imagine keeping for a long time until I'm a grandmother one day. It is so precious.

Don't worry, Eva wasn't suffering without us! Nana took her to the park and then they went and played with her cousin Mallory! I got these pics via text and thought they were adorable playing together.

Sunday morning I took a break and enjoyed a morning to sleep in and not rush out the door with a toddler. I sipped my coffee while it was still hot, ate pancakes with fresh berries, and read my Bible. I did go to church but I honestly arrived just in time, which was a refreshing break for me since I'm usually there early. I either greet or teach kids most weeks but I felt like it would be a good thing for me to have just one Sunday to relax. After church I came home and baked up some sopapilla cheesecake and brownies for our youth Cinco De Mayo Fiesta! I had a lot more energy after getting to sleep in and relax that morning! With all my energy I also decided that Ryan should go ahead and blow up the new kiddie pool that our friend Emily gave Eva. I filled it with every ball we owned so that it would be a big pool of fun!!!! Then I waited for Eva to come home.....Sunday night we had our youth group over for Bible study. Ryan taught on loving your neighbor, and I was just hit with thankfulness for each of these girls. These girls really love and serve our family so well every time they help with Eva. Whether its helping in the nursery, babysitting for our small group, or just chasing after Eva while I help clean up things after church, they are each a huge blessing and I love them so much! These ladies are awesome living examples of the love Jesus wants us to have for others!

Are you ready to potty?

No real potties were used in the taking of this photograph :)

As our little girl keeps getting bigger, we recently decided to get her a potty! I am not expecting much right now, but I wanted to go ahead and have it so we could talk about the potty, read books about the potty, and just get used to it being in the bathroom. I purchased a clean, sanitized trainer potty at the TC garage sale....she was SO EXCITED to sit on it when I brought it home. She kept sitting on it with her clothes on so I finally decided to try to give her some diaper-free experience on it.

Oh, man. She thinks she is so cool sitting on that potty. She wants to "try" several times a day (it helps that she gets a mini M&M just for sitting there). So far we've had 2 successful tinkles!!! I know it's not much, but each time she goes we are one step closer to not having to pay for or change diapers. The first time I actually didn't realize she had done anything until she turned around and stuck her hand in it. That's what soap is for  :)

For now we are keeping it in the downstairs bathroom because it makes the most sense to have it right by the playroom. Eventually I want to get another one for her bathroom upstairs but I am hoping that if we wait a while we can go straight for the seat that just fits over the big potty. Those are much easier to clean :)  The one we are using downstairs is a 3-in-1 where it can be a little potty or a potty seat with a step stool and she actually likes to try putting the seat on the big potty so I'm really hoping we are headed more in that direction.

Since she's still pretty young (almost 20 months) my plan right now is to just do what she feels comfortable with. If she wants to try to sit there, great. If not, it's not that big of a deal. Most of what I've read says that kids can be more consistent and have more control when they turn 2. I would love for her to be potty trained by her 2nd birthday but I realize that if that doesn't happen she will be fine. Most of us learn to use the potty eventually :)

Nursing No More

* Disclaimer: This post is about breastfeeding. If this topic makes you uncomfortable feel free to close out this post and check back another day :)

When my mom first asked me if I thought I would nurse my baby when she was born my answer was, "Sure. I'll give it a try." I knew all the benefits of breast milk and I knew that it would save money on formula. I didn't know how much I would totally love it.

Thankfully, nursing Eva came fairly easy to me. I know this isn't the case for all moms, and let me make it clear that I don't hold any judgement towards moms who decide not to nurse. You know your body, you know your baby, you know your life - make the choice that works best for your family! There was only one terrible night/morning where my milk came simultaneously with the longest night of bringing newborn Eva home from the hospital. Lots and lots of tears. Other than that my nursing journey has been pretty amazing. I had originally planned on breastfeeding Eva until she hit the one year mark....but when that time snuck up on us I felt strongly that neither her nor I was ready to stop....so despite my feelings that people might judge me for nursing longer I kept with it....I followed my own advice and did what was best for us! I didn't set a definite "finish line" but figured that I might as well nurse through the winter for immunity sake (to keep Eva healthier). For any new moms reading this, keep in mind that nursing a toddler isn't at all like nursing a newborn. Newborns take forever, toddlers less than 15 minutes.  I even continued night feedings until she was 15 months old. It was tiring but completely worth it in my opinion. Over the past 4 months I began gradually dropping feedings. First the night time one, then the 2nd nap one (which timed out perfectly with her transition to 1 nap), then the other nap one, until I was finally down to just 2 feedings a day - one in the morning and one right before bedtime.

Then about 6 weeks ago my body started to feel weird. I was completely exhausted. I was super emotional. I had headaches. And I was extremely nauseous. NOPE - I am NOT pregnant. But my body sure was acting that way! I was pretty sure that I wasn't pregnant throughout all this time, but it felt so much like what I remember my first trimester feeling like. What? I did some research and read some information that suggested that after a prolonged time of nursing a women's hormones can potentionally get so out of whack that you experience these symptoms. Not common enough to be shared among women, but I did find other people who have had similar experiences. So why am I sharing all this? So that other women will realize that they aren't losing their mind! When you are pretty sure that you aren't pregnant but your body feels so abnormal it makes you kind of nutty.

Anyway, so in the middle of all this craziness it occurs to me that probably the best way to get my body back to normal is to stop breastfeeding. That nursing my toddler is no longer what is best for my family, because my family needed me to be able to function. Realizing this was so hard and made me cry a lot (it probably didn't help that I was already so emotional). I knew that I didn't want to nurse Eva forever and probably would have stopped around this time anyway. It's just hard to acknowledge that it's time to make such a huge change and to know that I was the one who had to initiate it.

I gave myself a day to make sure that I was doing the right thing and then I stopped nursing her at night. I was going to be out a few nights that week anyway so it made the most sense to drop that feeding first. Oh, it was so hard to put Eva down. She would ask for milk and I'd have to just tell her that it was all gone. I did give her a sippy cup of water and I still spent lots of time snuggling with her before bed. She accepted it but seemed so sad. After the 3rd night or so she cried a few times. Then a week later I stopped nursing her in the morning. That was even harder for her, probably because she realized that we were done. She has always woken up and asked to nurse right away so it was heartbreaking for me to tell her we couldn't. She cried. I cried. As the days went on it did get better. I tell her all the time that I'm so proud of her and I love her. I remind her that even though the milk is all gone that I'm still right here.

Update: I actually wrote this post a couple of weeks ago. I waited to share it because I was hoping that at this point I could say that my theory that everything was related to breastfeeding would be more accurately proven. I honestly still feel the same way so I could be completely wrong that everything is related. I've been to the doctor to have some tests done to make sure that I definitely wasn't pregnant (I'm NOT) and to check for other things like thyroid or liver problems. So far, no great answers. I really think it's probably hormonal but can't figure out what is causing everything. Prayers appreciated!

"Eat More Chicken"....she thinks not.

She may be a Princess, but the Queen sets the menu around here. 

Eva has always been a decent eater. From the time we started giving her pureed fruits and veggies she's been pretty good about eating what we offer her. I also try to not make too big of a deal out of what she chooses to eat. For each meal I offer her a couple of choices on her tray and she can eat what she likes. I figure as long as they are healthy and she has an overall balance of foods in her diet, it's not that big of a deal. I also don't make her eat everything because I want her to learn to eat until she is full and then stop. (More of us grown-ups need that skill....) Yes, if I know she hasn't eaten very much  I will try to get her to eat a few more bites, but I don't force it. When there is a food that she doesn't seem to "like" I will encourage her to try a few bites. If she eats it, great, and if not I just try again. I try not to let there be foods in my mind that I think, "Oh she doesn't like that. I can't make that anymore." It took her lots and lots of tries before she decided to eat eggs. And for most meals, she eats what we eat.

Which brings us to chicken. Over and over again she is not interested in chicken. What???? Umm, somebody might want to let her know that her mother will be cooking chicken every week for the rest of the time she lives with us. She really likes sausage (which I rarely cook), she likes beef, she will eat a little bit of fish (especially salmon), and turkey and ham are fine....but chicken? No way. She will try a few bites but usually spits it out. And my most delicious meals are all based around chicken! Chicken spaghetti, chicken pot pie, chicken puffs, bbq chicken sandwiches, chicken enchiladas,chicken tenders. I even let her try some Chick-fil-a nuggets and she refused to eat them. I've tried letting her dip the chicken (she's big into dipping), but even that didn't work. What toddler would rather eat broccoli and peas than chicken? Oh, well. I know she won't starve. She will get protein from other foods. I will keep making my favorite meals. And there will be more chicken nuggets for me.

On the other hand, she does like to "cook" chicken in mama's pots :)

 I actually walked into the kitchen to see this.

One day, but not today.

This has been a heavy week in our country. It's easy to start to feel discouraged and to feel your heart breaking for those who are suffering. So today I decided to make today an extra special day for me and Eva.

One day she will have to get dressed and put on professional clothing....but today she stayed in her jammies all morning.

One day she will know the realities of living in a fallen world...but today we watched silly sing-along movies.

One day she will have to share my attention....but today it was just me and her, all morning long.

One day I will have to clean and do errands...but today we just played.

One day she will jump out of the car door when I drop her off...but today she laughed as I smothered her in kisses and hugs.

One day she will need to eat healthy foods....today I think we'll make some cookies.

One day she will make her own decisions about God...today she was sweetly cuddled in my arms, patting my back as we prayed together for the people we know who need prayer.  

One day she will have a busy schedule full of school and activities....but today it was only full of finger painting and toys.

One day she won't think that I'm the coolest person to hang out with....but today she was perfectly content to sit in my laps and read stories.

Are you crying yet? Because I am...but at least they are tears of JOY!  Praying for everyone who is hurting this week and for the people we love.

My imperfect Insta-Life.

Recently my blog friend Kati wrote a post about how easy the importance of being real...of showing others that there is more to your life than the cuteness of your kids posted on Instagram. She also linked into the article, Stop Instagramming Your Perfect Life, which is a very interesting topic. Like tons of people, I have an Instagram that I use to post photos of the highlights of our day. I love taking photos to remember the good moments {did you read my post yesterday???}; and I'm thankful for technology that allows me to share these moments with friends and family. But let me assure you that there are plenty of non-funny, unglamorous, frustrating moments that go on behind the scenes. Plenty of toddler meltdowns...trips to the grocery store in sweats and minimal makeup... piles of laundry...dirty dishes....things that are not exactly news worthy.  After reading the above article, I think it's important that moms be honest about the fact that our lives can be fully blessed and fully realistic at the same time. That doesn't mean that I'll start posting pics of the boring parts of my life (you're welcome) but hopefully it encourages others to know that it's okay when not every moment of their day is cute or fun. What matters most is that mama's are out in the real world living in the real moments with their real children. There is a time to post the pic of your baby taking their first steps, and a time to put down the camera so that you can be fully present in that moment that you won't get to relive again. There is a time to post the funny sayings of your child on facebook, and a time to just sit in the middle of the floor and laugh with them.

Social media is great. Being connected and sharing life with friends and family is fun. But it's way too true that our babies grow up faster than we can believe. I just want to try to be more intentional to be fully in the moment. And now I shall publish this post to facebook. #irony

Her new favorite word.

Eva was talking some before she turned 18 months, but since that milestone I feel like her desire to communicate and try to say new words has exploded! Now granted, lots of these words are mostly understood by me and many of them sound very similar. But being the one who spends most days with her, I can definitely tell that she is trying to repeat and communicate so much more to me. Before turning 18 months I'd say that her favorite word was "Mama." She'd say it all day long. {insert heart swooning} Now she's added words like "baby" (for her baby doll), bebeee (her binky), bup (cup), dat (as in I want that, give me that, what's that), "hot," "hess" (yes) and "mine" (she picked up that accidentally!). So what's her newest favorite word?????

NO. She's known how to shake her head "no" for a while and then this week the word finally popped out. Most of the time it actually comes out kind of cute like, "naaww" but she definitely  knows what she is saying. I realize that all toddlers learn to say no to their parents. I just don't want my toddler to say no to me, especially when it's in response to something I want her to do.

I've also realized that I'm so used to asking her to do things in the form of a question "Can we put your pants on?" instead of saying it like a command "Put your pants on, please." So I'm going to work on not stating things like a question unless I'm actually asking her opinion.

Sigh. Am I ready for this big girl? Nooooo.  

If you give a mom a muffin....

The poem below was posted on somebody's facebook today. It made me chuckle to myself because of how completely true it is. I only drink one cup of coffee a day but have to reheat it a few times before actually finishing it. This morning I didn't even get the chance to reheat it - I just had to make a second cup at nap time.

Motherhood makes even the most organized woman become a bit scatterbrained. I found this photo of me and Eva out celebrating my first Mother's Day and thought it seemed fitting. You can tell in the photo that I actually got to finish my muffin, but that was only because Ryan was there for backup. Happy Monday!

If You Give A Mom A Muffin
by Beth Brubaker
If you give a mom a muffin,
she’ll want a cup of coffee to go with it.
She’ll pour herself some.
Her three year-old will come and spill the coffee.
Mom will wipe it up.
Wiping the floor, she will find dirty socks.
She’ll remember she has to do laundry.
When she puts the laundry into the washer,
she’ll trip over shoes and bump into the freezer.
Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan supper.
She will get out a pound of hamburger.
She’ll look for her cookbook
(How to Make 101 Things With a Pound of Hamburger.)
The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.
She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow.
She will look for her checkbook.
The checkbook is in her purse,
which is being dumped out by her two year-old.
Then she’ll smell something funny.
She’ll change the two year-old.
While she is changing the two year-old, the phone will ring.
Her five year-old will answer and hang up.
She’ll remember she was supposed to phone a friend
to come over for coffee.
Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.
She will pour herself some more.
And chances are,
if she has a cup a coffee,
her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.