When my mom first asked me if I thought I would nurse my baby when she was born my answer was, "Sure. I'll give it a try." I knew all the benefits of breast milk and I knew that it would save money on formula. I didn't know how much I would totally love it.
Thankfully, nursing Eva came fairly easy to me. I know this isn't the case for all moms, and let me make it clear that I don't hold any judgement towards moms who decide not to nurse. You know your body, you know your baby, you know your life - make the choice that works best for your family! There was only one terrible night/morning where my milk came simultaneously with the longest night of bringing newborn Eva home from the hospital. Lots and lots of tears. Other than that my nursing journey has been pretty amazing. I had originally planned on breastfeeding Eva until she hit the one year mark....but when that time snuck up on us I felt strongly that neither her nor I was ready to stop....so despite my feelings that people might judge me for nursing longer I kept with it....I followed my own advice and did what was best for us! I didn't set a definite "finish line" but figured that I might as well nurse through the winter for immunity sake (to keep Eva healthier). For any new moms reading this, keep in mind that nursing a toddler isn't at all like nursing a newborn. Newborns take forever, toddlers less than 15 minutes. I even continued night feedings until she was 15 months old. It was tiring but completely worth it in my opinion. Over the past 4 months I began gradually dropping feedings. First the night time one, then the 2nd nap one (which timed out perfectly with her transition to 1 nap), then the other nap one, until I was finally down to just 2 feedings a day - one in the morning and one right before bedtime.
Then about 6 weeks ago my body started to feel weird. I was completely exhausted. I was super emotional. I had headaches. And I was extremely nauseous. NOPE - I am NOT pregnant. But my body sure was acting that way! I was pretty sure that I wasn't pregnant throughout all this time, but it felt so much like what I remember my first trimester feeling like. What? I did some research and read some information that suggested that after a prolonged time of nursing a women's hormones can potentionally get so out of whack that you experience these symptoms. Not common enough to be shared among women, but I did find other people who have had similar experiences. So why am I sharing all this? So that other women will realize that they aren't losing their mind! When you are pretty sure that you aren't pregnant but your body feels so abnormal it makes you kind of nutty.
Anyway, so in the middle of all this craziness it occurs to me that probably the best way to get my body back to normal is to stop breastfeeding. That nursing my toddler is no longer what is best for my family, because my family needed me to be able to function. Realizing this was so hard and made me cry a lot (it probably didn't help that I was already so emotional). I knew that I didn't want to nurse Eva forever and probably would have stopped around this time anyway. It's just hard to acknowledge that it's time to make such a huge change and to know that I was the one who had to initiate it.
I gave myself a day to make sure that I was doing the right thing and then I stopped nursing her at night. I was going to be out a few nights that week anyway so it made the most sense to drop that feeding first. Oh, it was so hard to put Eva down. She would ask for milk and I'd have to just tell her that it was all gone. I did give her a sippy cup of water and I still spent lots of time snuggling with her before bed. She accepted it but seemed so sad. After the 3rd night or so she cried a few times. Then a week later I stopped nursing her in the morning. That was even harder for her, probably because she realized that we were done. She has always woken up and asked to nurse right away so it was heartbreaking for me to tell her we couldn't. She cried. I cried. As the days went on it did get better. I tell her all the time that I'm so proud of her and I love her. I remind her that even though the milk is all gone that I'm still right here.
Update: I actually wrote this post a couple of weeks ago. I waited to share it because I was hoping that at this point I could say that my theory that everything was related to breastfeeding would be more accurately proven. I honestly still feel the same way so I could be completely wrong that everything is related. I've been to the doctor to have some tests done to make sure that I definitely wasn't pregnant (I'm NOT) and to check for other things like thyroid or liver problems. So far, no great answers. I really think it's probably hormonal but can't figure out what is causing everything. Prayers appreciated!
I first of all want to congratulate you on nursing Eva so long! That is A-mazing and worth being praised for because most people don't realize what it means. Way to go! That is the best possible start you can give her.
ReplyDeleteI regret stopping at 7 months even though at the time I firmly thought that was what was best. It's a sacrifice for sure! I know how sad it is to give it up...
As far as feeling weird, I had that too somewhat. It's like your body has to gear up and remember how it used to function, sans nursing. Did you get a full panel of blood work done? Checking for any vitamin or mineral deficiencies would be a good idea as well as taking a good solid multi-vitamin or even prenatal. Then exercise, good healthy food, and rest should help. I hope you feel more like yourself soon! :>