For goodness sake, just go to sleep.

Anyone who knew Eva when she was a baby, knew that that girl LOVED her binky. After  maybe 6 months she did a pretty good job of only using it at bedtime and oh boy, was it a perfect sleep cue for her. Hand her that pacifier, she was happy and ready for bed. Worked like a charm. 2 years later though, we felt like it was time for her to give up her pacifier. You can read about how we did that here. This post is about the past few months since she gave up her pacifier and how life is now that we are past that mountain.

At the point of giving up her binky, Eva was a little over two years old, had transitioned to sleeping in a regular full size bed, and had entered into the "independent" stage of being a two year old. Wow. That was a lot going on all during one season of life. Let me share the truth about all of this. It was rough. Like really, for me it was one of the toughest season's of being a mom. Every single nap time was met with huge fits, decisions about disciplining, and rarely any sleep. Night time sleep was usually decent, although she did get in a habit of wanting us to lie down with her (which I didn't mind until it got longer and she didn't want us to leave) and she would wake up more often in the night. I read tons of information about toddler sleep habits so that I could keep a frame of reference for what was normal. I read lots of things searching for advice but unfortunately most of what I read was just other moms agreeing that "no nap" stage for two year olds is really hard. Every single nap time felt like this discouraging battle of trying to keep Eva in bed, constantly monitoring what she was climbing on top of in her room, and praying desperately that she would just give up and go to sleep. Regardless of consequences or intervening, each day was hard. And on top of that a toddler that doesn't sleep well gets soooo grumpy and emotional in the afternoon, so basically our home was an emotional meltdown waiting to happen between 1-8PM each day. For about 2 months straight. That's a long time out of each day to feel like you're struggling. Over Christmas Ryan and Eva's grandparents were able to help a bit and could actually help her nap some of the time which was the greatest gift ever. I was so worried though that after Ryan went back to work everything would be terrible again.

I know you might be thinking, "It's just a nap. Let it go." Yeah I agree that sounds good in theory, but seeing the affect that not napping was having on my child made it so clear that she really did need a nap, or at least a peaceful rest time, in her day. Also as sweet as I think it would be to co-sleep and snuggle up with her for a good nap, co-sleeping has NEVER worked well for us, even when Eva was much younger. She likes the "co" part but not the "sleep" part and the whole experience results in very little sleep for anybody. So here is what we did that finally worked for us:
1. We took any nonessential furniture out of her room. She has her bed, nightstand, and dresser. That's it. This wasn't done as a punishment but as a way to decrease her desire to climb and jump on furniture. I also took lots of stuff out of her dresser and stored it in the closet so that there is less for her to make a giant mess with. This helped me know that she would be safer and that I didn't have to worry as much about what she was doing.
2. We started calling it her "rest time". I don't know why but she seemed to accept this was more than calling it nap time, like I wasn't actually forcing her to sleep.
3. I let her pick where she wants to rest. She has to be in her room, but she doesn't have to be in bed. The truth is that making her stay on her bed was creating a big power struggle that I didn't feel like needed to be there. If she wants to feel in control by resting on the floor with a pillow and blanket, that's fine. It's a win for me as long as she is resting.
4. I turn on soft music and let her dance around her room for a bit without intervening. This seems counterproductive but actually lets her wind down and have some time to just be by herself. Also I'm totally okay with her getting out books and reading. She generally lies down all on her own now.

A HAPPY, WELL RESTED girl now! 

Most days now we read a few books, she plays and talks to herself for about 30 minutes, and then she will fall asleep for about an hour. If not, at least she has gotten some time to rest and I've gotten a much needed break to recharge. This has helped our family sooooo much! I'm not saying all of this will work for everybody, but I really wanted to share because I didn't find a lot of answers or positive ideas out there when I was in the middle of this huge struggle. I'm glad we didn't just give up her nap time but were persistent in finding a system that worked for us.She doesn't sleep every day, but we aren't battling it out either. And do I regret that little pacifier that led to all this? I don't think so. I feel like we would have gone through this transition about some point and it was just the last catalyst not the eternal enemy. 

My final advice to other mamas going through this same dilemma.... know that it won't last forever! Find what works for you. Find another mom who can give you positive, encouraging advice. Try to stay calm on the hard days. And as always, drink coffee and pray to Jesus :)