Bye-Bye Binky

Oh, beloved binky. That little pacifier worked like a charm when Eva was born. Swaddle her up and give her a binky, and she would fall asleep so fast. Sadly, we finally felt like the time had come for the binky to go away.

Tuesday night when Eva got ready for bed, she discovered that her binky was "broken." The end part was gone and she could no longer use it. Since it was was broken we talked about it and decided that she was ready to put it in the trash. She sucked on it sadly as she walked down the hallway to the bathroom, gave it a longing look goodbye, and bravely placed it in the trash can. I was doing all I could to hold back my own tears. 

Before you start to cry too, let me remind you that she is two years old. She is a big girl. She sleeps in a big girl bed (most of the time). She was defniitely ready to be binky-free. Tuesday night we let her have all of her stuffed animals in her bed (which made it pretty crowded!) and I spent plenty of extra time comforting her over the next few days. It was hard when she cried but Ryan reminded me that she cries often about much smaller things and that it is ultimately for her own good. Oh it's so hard to be a mama sometimes. 

The first night she cried a bit and it took her about 1 1/2 hours to fall asleep. She didn't mention the binky at all the next day until nap time. When she asked for it at nap time on Wednesday I reminded her that she put it in the trash and it was gone now. Woah, she was not prepared for that :( I think the first night she knew it was broken so it made sense to throw it away but she didn't realize it was gone for good.  So nap time on day 2 was a hard one and bedtime Wednesday night was even worse. Lots of tears all around, my heart was breaking for her! On Thursday at nap time she mentioned her binky but laughed when we talked about putting it in the trash. Then she decided to play on her bed for over 2 hours instead of every falling asleep. Thursday night was Halloween and thankfully she was so worn out she fell asleep without a peep. I think that was the turning point. She still asked about the binky on Friday but pretty much accepted that it was gone.

Overall I'd say the first 48 hours without the binky were very hard, and then it was okay....so when I originally wrote this things were going okay. Then they got worse. We had tried various ways to soothe her and I kind of feel like they all ended up making things worse. Like she couldn't decide when toy she wanted. Or where to sleep. Or if she wanted to be rocked or have her back patted. All things that are seemingly small but ended up delaying her sleep time for hours. That's a long time for a crying 2 year old. Add in the time change and the face that she's teething and it accumulated in many hours and many tears in our house this weekend. It's been rough.

I know this is only a stage. It will get better (at least I hope so?) I know we did the right thing but it's hard to feel confidant when your 2 year old is so distraught. To dig a little deeper here....is this how God feels with us? When He loves us and knows we are living in pain and sadness for the moment? When He knows that He is right there and trustworthy but we cry out for the things that we think will make it better? I think so, at least in some ways. I know that as a mama who loves my daughter so deeply, I would never let her go through this pain without there being a purpose. I don't feel like a different approach (like the binky fairy or taking the binky to a baby) would have been any easier, because it all ultimately results in her being sad over something she lost. I also don't expect her to handle all this by herself - I am intentionally trying to be right there with her, holding her hand or giving her extra snuggles. I wish my love for her could just replace that silly old binky. Until then, prayers and encouragement appreciated.