How Prayer Changes Us

Recently I started participating in a year long documentary our church is filming about the way prayer changes us. As I have been processing through my experience with Jensen's birth and time in the NICU I keep going back to each moment and reflecting on how prayer changed that moment. As soon as Ryan and I learned that I would be delivering Jensen 4 weeks early, we began texting friends and family and posting on social media. Within minutes we received tons of encouraging messages and the prayers kept coming all afternoon. Before our little guy had even made his big entrance, he had been prayed for by over 100 people! How amazing is that? As we prepared for surgery, prayer changed my heart by reminding me of God's sovereignty. God created Jensen. God knew that this was the day Jensen would be born. I was nervous, but the power of those praying friends and family encouraged me to trust in God's plan for that day. Then it was time for me to head into the operating room. I'll be honest...between the unknown of how healthy Jensen would be, the intimidating operating room, and the idea of being cut open, I felt like I was about to freak out. Then something inside of me thought to just start praying and praising. I started humming and quietly singing Bless The Lord, Oh My Soul to myself over and over and over again. I don't know if anyone else in that room heard me, but I know that Jesus did. Shifting my focus from fear to praise helped keep me calm until I finally heard Jensen's first cries and knew that I had done it! 

As I transitioned from delivery to recovery and we learned that Jensen would need some real time in the NICU, prayer continued to give me strength. The hardest parts was the nights. Nobody sleeps well in the hospital, but it is especially hard when you are in physical pain and separated from your tiny baby. It wasn't just his healthy problems that made it hard, it was not being able to hold or even touch him in those early days. I'm the kind of mama that gives my children a thousand hugs and kisses each day, so to not be able to hug and kiss Jensen early on was heart wrenching. That first night I woke up in the night crying. Ryan and I turned on some worship music on my iPhone and I spent those middle of the night hours quietly praying and singing along with the music, sometimes aloud, and sometimes just in my thoughts as I tried to sleep. Prayer changed me in those nights by reminding me that God was my strength and my comfort. Singing worship songs to get through the night helped me to focus on the fact that God is good. Always. That God loves me and my son. Always. The circumstance was not what I wanted it to be. The physical pain was real. But the presence of God was equally real. 

During the days that we were in the hospital, and the days when we were at home and having to go back and forth to the hospital twice a day, I was blessed to have a few close friends who would call and text me to check on me and encourage me. I love these real, genuine friends who I knew were sincerely praying for me and Jensen. I appreciated so much that it was okay for me to not "be okay" with these friends. One of my sweetest memories is sitting and crying and praying with one of my best friends who came up to the hospital to hang out and talk with me. Having close friends who love the Lord and can remind you to keep trusting and hoping is one of the best things you can have on your side during a tough time. 

I know it would be easy for somebody to read this and ask, "Yeah, but did prayer really change your circumstance?" And my answer would be a giant YES. Yes, Jensen was born with premature lung disease and yes that was hard and not what I would have chosen. Prayer gave us hope and encouragement. Prayer reminded us of who God was over and over again. Prayer connected us to the friends and family who helped us so much during that draining week - by bringing us meals, by helping with Eva, by being willing to listen when we needed it.

And the biggest, best moment of all - when we got the call to tell us that Jensen would be coming home EARLY! On the Monday I left the hospital the head NICU pediatrician had said to be prepared for Jensen to spend another week to two weeks in hospital care. I believe God healed our little boy and made him strong - and we got to bring him home only 4 days later! Ryan, Eva, and I were all in the car when we got the phone call and as soon as we told Eva she said, "Thank you God for making my baby brother get better." That's right, sweet girl, God is an amazing healer!